Talk Less, Listen More

🎙 Talk Less, Listen More

🔹 Episode Summary:
Listening—it sounds simple, but it’s one of the hardest things to do, especially between parents and kids. In this episode of I Get It From My Mom, Elissa, Ava, and Maggie get real about why truly listening (without interrupting or rushing to fix things) is so important in their relationships. They break down:

✅ Why parents sometimes give advice when kids just want to vent
✅ How kids can do a better job of actually hearing their parents out
✅ The little signs that show when someone really needs to be listened to
✅ The balance between giving advice and just being present

The trio shares personal stories, a few hard truths, and some much-needed laughs about the messy art of communication. By the end, they even challenge each other (and their listeners!) to be better listeners this week.

🎧 Listen now and find out if you’re more of a talker or a listener!

🔹 Takeaways & Challenges:
📌 Parents—next time your kid starts talking, ask: “Do you want advice or do you just need to vent?”
📌 Kids—try listening to your parents before immediately saying, “I know” (because sometimes… they’re actually right 🙃).
📌 Everyone—watch for non-verbal cues when someone’s not talking. Silence can say a lot.

💬 Join the Conversation:
👉 Have a funny (or frustrating) listening fail? Tell us in the comments on Instagram at @i.get.it.from.mymom!
👉 Share this episode with a mom or daughter who needs to hear it!

📲 Follow & Subscribe so you never miss an episode!

👂 Let’s all commit to talking less and listening more! 💛

Transcript

0:00

To I Get It From My Mom, where my daughters and I have honest, sometimes hilarious, and always real conversations about life. I'm Ava, I'm 18, and a college freshman, giving my perspective as the older child breaking in my parents. And I'm Maggie, I'm 15 and in high school, and providing the second chance for my parents to get it right. And I'm Elissa, a working mom, raising these two with my husband. We're not here to tell you how to parent, or how to be the perfect kid. None of us here are experts. We're just a mom and her daughters trying to figure things out as we go. We definitely don't have all the answers. But we do have a little bit of perspective, and we want to help moms and daughters have more balanced, open, and sometimes messy conversations about the things that actually matter. And this isn't about our mom trying to be cool, and it's not about us thinking we know everything. It's about making sure we all feel heard, understood, and okay with the fact that we don't always agree. So whether you're a mom trying to understand your children, or a daughter trying to survive your parents, Welcome to I Get It From My Mom. Let's get into today's topic. So today we're talking about something that I personally know I need to be better at. Listening. To you two. And to be fair, I also think kids need to listen to their parents advice once in a while. But let's start with this. Why is listening so hard? Okay, I know I'm not the best listener. I talk a lot, and I interrupt a lot. But that's just how I'm able to keep myself engaged in a conversation and show I'm listening. But that's definitely where the line gets blurry, because sometimes people take that as I'm not fully paying attention. I know for sure I get that from mom. Same. And they think a lot of that comes from good intentions. You and I, Ava, hear something and immediately want to relate. So we share our own story, thinking it's helpful. But sometimes that's not what the other person needs. Exactly. Sometimes I'll be telling a story and you two will immediately barge in with your own version of it. When you're on the receiving end of it, it can feel like you're kind of overlooking what I'm saying, and not actually responding to my situation, just want to say your own. That's why I don't always share things, because I'm used to you guys telling similar stories back, even if that's not what I wanted. I'm sorry, Mags. I'm sure we cut you off often. We have a lot of opinions. You definitely do. But I know I don't always speak up, but when I do, I want to be able to share what's on my mind, and sometimes just rant about things. Sometimes I do want advice, but other times I just need to say something out loud. The problem is, Mom, I've learned that if I tell you something, there's a chance you'll give your take, even if that's not what I was asking for. Yeah, I feel like sometimes when I tell you something, you immediately go into fix it mode before I can even finish. Or you'll react too fast, and suddenly we regret telling you anything. Ouch! Okay, fair. I actually read that parents interrupt their kids twice as often as kids interrupt their parents, which clearly seems to be the case here. And when kids feel like they aren't being heard, what I'm hearing from you is they're less likely to share things in the future. I mean, yeah, that makes sense. If we feel like we're just going to get shut down or be told what to do, why even bother? Yeah, I remember this one time, when Ava, you were in middle school and you came home so upset about something with your friends, before you could even get the full story out, I started telling you what you should have done. And you, you walked away. I don't blame you. That sounds like me. You know, sometimes we just want you to be there to listen and not give us advice. Come on, read the room, mom. Oh, okay. Fair., so how do I know when to actually listen and when to step in? I think maybe ask first, or in times when we do pose a question, we usually want advice. But if not, maybe just ask, do you want advice, or do you just need to rant for a little? Oof. Okay, I'll try that. Parents, take note. Let's break this down. There are times when you two just want to be heard, and then you're saying there are times when you actually need some guidance. So let's go through a few examples. I think that would help. Okay, the first thing that comes to mind is school stress. Sometimes when I'm overwhelmed with exams or assignments, I just wanna say, this sucks. I hate school. But then you start offering study tips, planning out my schedule, or suggesting I email my teacher. And while the truth of the matter is those tips are helpful, my answer usually is that I've already done that. I think sometimes you just need to have faith in our ability to fix our own problems before trying to solve them for us, but still be there for the fallout. I agree, and I think it's the same with friendships. Like, when I tell you that a friend is being weird or distant, I don't always need you to tell me to just talk to them about it. Because, even when I'm upset in those situations, I usually know that it is the right thing to do. Sometimes, I just need to process what's happening first before I even figure out the next step to take. That makes sense. But when do you actually need advice? I think the truth of the matter is, it just kind of depends on the moment. I feel like Maggie can relate to this, but I always know what it is I need advice from you on. Like, something like college applications. When I realize in a moment that I don't know what to do, or I don't know if I made the right decision, I go to you immediately and say, I need help. But I do trust your instincts always, so when the times I may not think I need advice, you're usually right. Or if there's a conflict that is truly problematic, like the time Dad took it upon himself to talk to the school dean about an issue I was having with my coach. Well, I would never have wanted him to do it. It was the right thing to do and it immediately helped. So sometimes we're helpful and should follow our own gut with giving advice and help to solve, but oftentimes we should give you the space to talk and we just listen. Not exactly an exact science though. It's true, but I think that's why it's good we're having this discussion. Sometimes though, it's not just about listening when kids are speaking. It's about paying attention when they're not like if you're suddenly quieter than usual or avoiding certain conversations, that means something too. Right. Because sometimes we're just having an off day and it's not a big deal, but other times. Yeah, we wish you would pick up on it instead of waiting for us to say something. Like, remember during COVID when I retreated more and more as the weeks went by? I think that was kind of a hint something was up. Yeah, definitely missed that at first. Good job, Mom. And later, when I finally asked, you had been dealing with issues for weeks, Maggie, and I had no idea about it. You've always kept things close to your chest, Mags. That's been hard as a parent, especially a chatty one. I know, but part of it is because when I do talk, I want to make sure it's something I'm ready to share. I don't want to get judged or hear how I should have handled something differently. Ugh, this is tough to hear, but I get it. And I also know that as parents, we have this instinct to jump in because we love you and we want to help. But sometimes, silence says just as much as words. And you know what? Now that we're older, we hear your voices in our heads. Lucky you! Literally. There are times that I'm sitting there, and I'm trying to decide what to do, and I literally hear your voice in my head telling me the right thing to do. We know what you and dad would say about our grades, our messy rooms, or our friend choices. So even when we don't talk about something, we usually already know how you'd feel about it, and can deal with it ourselves. That's actually reassuring. The first part of this conversation that has been. So what should parents do to pick up on those things when you don't actually say them out loud? I think one big thing is really big mood changes. If I'm usually chatty, but then suddenly stop talking at dinner, or keep my responses really short, that's probably a sign that something's off. Especially if I stop bringing up something I used to talk about all the time. That's probably a hint that it isn't really going great. That makes sense. So if I notice you're quieter than usual, or not talking about things you normally would, what's the right way then to check in with you without being annoying and overbearing? Honestly, I think something just as simple as, Are you okay? You seem off, is enough. Shows you're paying attention without making it a huge deal. And do not push too hard. If we say we don't want to talk about it right away, just let us know you're there when we're ready. Preach. That's so hard. But to that point, I've noticed that often when you're ready to talk, it's not necessarily when it's good for me. Like late at night, when I'm sleepy. Or late night scrolling. You suddenly find the courage to discuss. What I've learned is it's not up to me. I should be available to you when you're ready, even if it means setting my sleep schedule or late night social media scrolling aside. But what about kids who don't feel like they can talk to their parents at all? I'd just like to say for everyone, mom loves TikTok. Anyway, some of my friends barely talk to their parents because they feel judged. They get a bad grade, they'd rather hide it than deal with a lecture. They're struggling with something they don't share it because they don't want their parents to overreact or worry or punish them Yeah, I know plenty of kids who should applaud their parents because they don't feel like they can be honest. That's scary. That's why I believe kids need to know that home is a safe place. They need to know they can trust their parents to not overreact, to not get too involved when they don't need to, and to of course not love them any less because of a mistake. But it's difficult. Just know that we as parents are imperfect, and we make mistakes in this process too, and we expect the same love and understanding and non overreaction on your part too. I'm asking a lot. You're both looking at me like a crazy person. All right, let's look at this from the other side. There are definitely times when you two should be listening, but don't. Can we talk about that? Fine. Okay. There are little moments when you tell me things like, don't forget to do this. And I immediately respond with, I know, or I got it. But truthfully, you're kind of reminding me to do those things. And the little voice in the back of my head is saying, ugh, why is she writing? Yeah, like when you told me to clean my room and I argue back, I can't help but think in my head, she's right. It's gross in here. Oh my god, so gross. So why is this so hard for kids to believe that their parents actually know what they're talking about? I don't really know. I think there's a sort of pride in sometimes thinking, I know what's best for myself. Or even just a hope we can fix all our own problems and don't want to admit we need help. Yeah, and sometimes the way advice is framed makes it feel like you don't trust us to figure things out on our own. Like, instead of saying, you should do this, maybe ask, how do you think you'll handle it? It would make us feel like we're less being told what to do. That's fair. So it's not that you don't want advice, it's more in how I present it to you. Exactly. If it feels more like a conversation instead of a lecture, we're probably more likely to actually hear it. Also, sometimes we don't realize we were right until way later. Like when you tell me to take an umbrella for school, and I come home soaking wet, I can realize you were right. Ah ha! A mom victory! Oh God. Yes, it's going to my head. So maybe part of this is me working on how I give advice, and part of it is you both realizing that I do have some wisdom from experience. Or we just learned to bring an umbrella. And a jacket. Nah. Never. Haha. All right. Let's do a challenge. Each of us has to commit to one way we'll be better listeners this week. A challenge Okay. I actually wanna try going to you with my problems less, especially now that I'm in college and feel confident in my choices, knowing that your voice in the back of my head is still guiding me. And I'll make an effort to take your advice for small things, like cleaning my room or putting my laundry away more immediately, because in the end, I know you're right, and the problem will keep building up if I don't take action for it. This is so amazing to hear, girls. Okay, and I'll work on not interrupting and just letting you talk without jumping in to fix or judge your problems. That'll be hard. One day. Maybe. Alright, so final thoughts. How important is listening really? Super important for everyone. Yeah, even if it's hard sometimes. Okay, so let's all try to be better at this. And if you liked this episode, share it with a mom or daughter who needs to hear it. And don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss the next one. Or at least follow us on social media so my mom feels cool. See you next time, because no matter what, we moms and daughters always have something to talk about. They clearly get it from me.