I Get It From My Mom: Authentic Conversations Between a Mother and Her Daughters on Parenting and Growing Up

How to Actually Prepare for Freshman Year of College - Real Talk from a Mom Who's Been There

• Elissa Klein • Season 1 • Episode 18

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Sending your kid to college? Whether it’s your first time or your fifth, nothing truly prepares you for the emotional, logistical, and “oh-my-gosh-how-did-we-forget-a-fan?!” reality of freshman year.

In this solo episode, Elissa shares the unfiltered truth about getting ready for college move-in—what to buy (and what’s a total waste), how to handle the summer anxiety spiral, what really happens on move-in day, and the roommate, friendship, and academic adjustments no one warns you about.

Drawing from her daughter Ava’s freshman year experience, Elissa dives into the emotional side of the transition for both students and parents, offers practical tips for packing and prepping, and even reveals the silver lining of life with a “temporary only child” at home.

Whether you’re a parent bracing for goodbye or a student gearing up for your first semester, this episode delivers the mix of humor, honesty, and useful advice you won’t find on Pinterest. Grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and let’s make this milestone a little less overwhelming.

Speaker:

Welcome back to, I Get It from my mom, the podcast where we talk about the real stuff, parenting, transitions, and all the messy, beautiful moments in between. I am Elissa and today I am flying solo to talk about something that's been on my mind a lot lately. Preparing for college. Now I know what you're thinking. There are a million college prep resources out there, but here's the thing. Most of them focus on the logistics, the spreadsheets, the shopping lists, the academic requirements. And while that stuff matters, what they don't talk about is the emotional reality of this transition. For both you and your child. My daughter Ava, wrapped up her freshman year and let me tell you, we learned some things, some we expected, some we did not see coming. So today I'm sharing the real talk. What actually helped, what we could have skipped and what I'd wish I'd known going into this whole experience. So whether you're a parent getting ready to send your first kid to college or your fifth, or maybe you're student listening to this, thinking about what's ahead, this episode is for you. We're going to cover everything from the summer prep phase through that first semester, and I promise to give it to you straight. So grab your coffee, settle in, and let's dive into what freshman year prep actually looks like when you strip away all the Pinterest perfection and get down to what matters. Let's start with the summer before college because this is where things get real. Your kid has graduated high school, they've gotten their acceptance letter, and suddenly it hits everyone. This is actually happening. Now if your teenagers anything like Ava was, they're probably oscillating between pure excitement and complete panic. One minute they're making tiktoks about how ready they are to leave and the next, they're having an existential crisis about whether they picked the right school. Ava became obsessed with planning last summer, and I mean obsessed. She had spreadsheets for her spreadsheets. She watched hours of dorm hall videos. She had separate Amazon wishlists for different categories of dorm items. She researched sheet thread counts and air filter qualities, and LED lighting. As a parent, my first instinct was to worry was this normal? Was she having second thoughts? But here's what I learned. The obsessive planning wasn't really about the desk lamp or the storage bins. It was about control. When everything in your life is about to change dramatically focusing on the things you can control, like having the perfect dorm set up becomes a coping mechanism. So if your kid is driving you crazy this summer with the endless Amazon carts and the constant college TikTok consumption, take a breath. This is their way of processing a huge transition. Your job isn't to manage their anxiety away, it's to support them through it. That said, there are some practical things you can do during this phase that actually help first set some boundaries around the shopping. I know the impulse to buy them. Everything is strong. Believe me, I felt it too. But those dorm rooms are tiny and they're gonna figure out what they actually need once they're living in the space. Start with the basics and plan to fill in gaps later. Second, focus on life skills over stuff this summer. Before college is your last chance to make sure they know how to do laundry without turning everything pink. How to budget their spending, how to refill a prescription, how to schedule a doctor's appointment. These skills will serve them way better than the perfect desk organizer. Third, talk about expectations, theirs and yours. What do they hope college will be like? What are they worried about? What are your non-negotiables for communication? Having these conversations before school is a lot easier than trying to figure it out in September when everyone's emotions are running high. And here's something I didn't expect. This summer is also when you, as the parent start processing your own feelings about this transition. You might find yourself getting unexpectedly emotional at random moments or overly excited. You might start noticing all the things about having them at home that you're going to miss. Or again, be excited about. That's completely normal. Don't try to hide it from them. They're dealing with their own emotions and seeing that you're gonna miss them too can actually be reassuring. Okay, let's talk about packing, because this is where things can get overwhelming fast. Every college sends you a suggested packing list. Then you go online and find lists that contradict each other and dorm room tours that make you think your kid needs to recreate a West Elm catalog in their eight by eight space. Here's the truth, you don't need much of that stuff. After watching Ava navigate her freshman year. Here's what actually matters. First for the bed twin, extra large bedding is non-negotiable, but you don't need to spend a fortune on designer dorm bedding. It won't last that many years. Anyway, a good mattress topper, though, that's worth the investment. These dorm mattresses are basically camping cots. We like the sleepy head brand, although it's not cheap. Good pillows matter too. They might be sleeping in weird positions if they have a lofted bed situation, and that pillow's gonna come in handy. And if your kid's going to loft their bed, make sure they have what they actually need to do that safely and consider a storage ottoman or like a small step stool. There's no reason to make midnight trips to the bathroom complicated by trying to climb down from a lofted bed in the dark. For the room a fan, trust me on this. Even if the dorm has air conditioning, it's probably not great and most dorms do not. Woozoo is a brand that makes a very good one. An air purifier is also worth considering. Dorm air can be pretty stuffy and germy. For personal care, a shower, caddy, toiletries, towels, and shower shoes are essential. You're talking communal bathrooms. You need the right supplies to make it less awful. I also recommend sending some basic medications, headache relief, cold medicine, bandaids, feminine care products. Campus health center's usually great, but you don't wanna have to check there for the little things. For laundry. Don't forget detergent. Ava actually found that the sheets are easiest and lightest and won't make a mess like liquid or pods. And a hamper that actually has handles or straps. Don't go fancy here. Some laundry rooms are down in the dusty basement of the dorm, so you need something transportable for electronics, extension cords and power strips are key. Extra long phone chargers help and good headphones. Dorm rooms were not designed for the number of devices college students have today for clothing. Here's where you can go overboard. Just bring clothes for the first few months of school, appropriate for the weather they're gonna have in those months. And remember, if they don't wear nice clothes at home, they're definitely not gonna be wearing them at school. Hoodies, sweatpants, they come in handy a lot. And don't forget hangers. For cleaning, we're all hoping they clean their dorms, so basic supplies, paper towels, disinfecting wipes, a Swiffer or something similar. They're not gonna deep clean regularly, if at all. But being able to deal with spills in general. Grossness is important. Vacuum is a waste. For storage containers for under the bed on top of closets. Bottom of the closets. The provided furniture is minimal and they'll need places to put things. But again, know the space you have and don't go overboard here, or just wait till you arrive in College Town and run to the nearest Target or Walmart and pick it up there for school, a laptop. And some very basic supplies and maybe a good desk lamp,. They'll likely do most of their serious studying outside of their room, but having a functional workplace helps. So what was Ava most grateful for to have besides her fan? Say a good mirror that she could position how she wanted a bulletin poured for important in papers, reminders and photos. An ice maker and a Brita she had that she really liked. And yes, those LED lights that every college student seems to have, they actually do make the space feel more homey. Don't stress about having everything perfect to day one. You'll forget things and it's okay to order them or run to the store or send stuff later. It will be good enough, I assure you. So let's talk about move in day because it's intense. Picture this. Hundreds of families all trying to unload their cars at the same time in August, heat carrying mini fridges of narrow stairwells all while trying to maintain some semblance of composure. Ava's dorm was challenging. It was by far one of the oldest buildings on campus where the rooms were clearly designed when people had fewer possessions and much lower expectations. Think cinder block walls. Dark hallways, minimal closet space, and a layout that made no logical sense and could not be changed. But we did our best. We unpacked, we set up our space, we hung photos, we grabbed blackout shades and tried to make it feel homey. And then came the moment we'd all been dreading saying goodbye. I thought I was prepared for this. I'd been mentally preparing forever and certainly all summer, and I was so excited for her. I loved college. I knew she'd be great, but when it came time to actually leave her there in that little room it hit me harder than I expected. We hugged goodbye in her room. Her dad cried first, which made her cry, and I had my composure. Until we closed her door, and then I lost it. And my younger daughter, Maggie, took cues for me and started crying too. We were a mess in that hallway and in the car ride home. But here's what I wanna tell you about that moment. It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, it means the transition wasn't that meaningful. The tears aren't a sign that you are not ready or that you've made a mistake. They're a sign that you love each other, and this moment is big. It's real. It matters for your student. That first night is weird. They go from being surrounded by family and familiar faces to a strange place in a strange room, and possibly silence. If their roommate hasn't moved in yet. They might question everything. Their school choice, the room, whether they have everything, whether they're ready for this. Homesickness is just a sign that they're working through things and they just need time to adjust. Just the same as you. So let's be honest about roommates, because the fantasy and the reality are often very different. Every incoming freshman has this vision of their roommate being their instant best friend. They'll stay up late talking, borrow each other's clothes, be each other's bridesmaid someday. Sometimes that happens, but most often it doesn't, and that's completely okay. The roommate assignment process is interesting. A lot of schools now let students connect through social media or apps to find potential roommates before they arrive. Ava chose someone through Instagram profiles. Here's the think about that process. It can help you avoid very incompatible solutions, but it definitely does not guarantee friendship. Ava and her roommate were not best friends. They were barely friends, honestly, and maybe even more negative than that. They sort of kind figured out how to coexist in their small space. Begrudgingly, they had different friend groups, different schedules, different ideas about how to spend their time. They did their best to communicate about the basics, like when, like should be out and how to handle guests and who is responsible for what, but not always, and not without disagreements. The key is go in with realistic expectations. I'd say low expectations. Your roommate doesn't need to be your best friend. They just need to be someone you can live with. Respectfully. So in terms of what's works, hopefully, you know, set boundaries early, clearly talk about sleep schedules, guest policies, sharing items, cleaning responsibilities. It feels awkward, but it prevents bigger conflicts. And like living with anyone, don't let small annoyances build up into major resentments. If something's bothering you, address it calmly and directly. If you hate them, FaceTiming their significant other. Every evening when you're trying to sleep, say something before you reach the point of passive aggressive note leaving. Respect each other's space and belongings. This seems obvious, but it's surprisingly easy to blur these lines when you're living in such close quarters. Invest in good headphones. This cannot be overstated. Headphones solve so many roommate conflicts, and if the roommate situation truly isn't working out, if there's safety concerns, major lifestyle incompatibilities or ongoing conflicts that can't be resolved. It's okay to ask for help. RAs, housing staff and counseling services are there for students. There's no shame in asking for a room change. That's best for everyone involved.

Speaker 2:

One of the biggest sources of stress for new college students and their parents is the social pressure. Everyone wants to know, have they made friends yet? Do they have a group? Are they happy socially? And here's what I wanna remind you. The friendship timeline in college is completely different from high school. In high school, friend groups often form early and stay relatively stable. In college, everything is more fluid and that's actually a good thing. Ava's orientation group, not her long-term friends, the people she met in her first week activities, most of those connections didn't stick. Her initial group chat with floor mates. Dead by October, and that's completely normal. The pressure to find your people immediately is intense, but it's also unrealistic. Think about it. Everyone is trying to figure out who they are in this new environment while simultaneously trying to connect with others who are doing the same thing. It takes time. So what actually works these days for making connections in college, same things that used to say yes to things, especially early on, those awkward mixer events. The floor pizza parties. The club fairs. They might seem forced, but they're opportunities to meet people in low stakes environments. Be open to different types of connections. Not every person you meet needs to become your best friend. Get a study partner, someone to grab meals with occasionally, and a few people you can text when you're bored is enough to start. Have your student be a little brave every day. Sit next to someone new in class. Compliment someone's outfit. Ask if you can join a group for dinner. These small interactions add up and remember everyone's trying to figure it out. The group that looks super tight and established, probably all just met too. If friend groups shift throughout the year, this is normal and often healthy people change. Interests evolve, and sometimes you outgrow relationships that served you well. Initially for Ava, she went through a few friend transitions during the year. As a parent watching this process, it's hard. You wanna fix it when they call, feeling lonely. You wanna give them strategies and solutions when they're being ghosted by someone, but mostly they just need time. And your reassurance that feeling socially uncertain is part of the process, not a sign that something's wrong. So let's talk about academics. The real reason for college, because this is probably the biggest adjustment students face in college. High school is very structured. You go to the same classes every day. Teachers remind you about assignments. There are check-ins on your progress. College is not that. In college, you might have a class that meets twice a week with three weeks between major assignments and a professor who assumes you're reading the material, whether they check or not. Some of Ava's classes were asynchronous, means she had to watch lectures and complete assignments on her own schedule. Don't even get me started on this because why am I paying for classes like that the same way with a professor? But anyway, I digress. The level of self-direction required for those is completely different. So what can help with this academic transition? You know, treat the syllabus like your Bible. Read it carefully on the first day of class, then read it again. Put every due date in your calendar. Immediately that syllabus tells you exactly what's expected and when use that information. Schedule study time like you would schedule anything else important? Don't wait for motivation or inspiration. Block out time for reading assignments and review and treat those blocks as non-negotiable appointments. Go to office hours even if you don't have specific questions this is such an underutilized resource. Professors hold office hours specifically to help students, and most students don't go unless they're desperate, but you can learn so much just by listening to other students' questions and the professor clarifying concepts, or getting feedback and ideas, or just checking in on the class. Find study partners or groups early in the semester. This always helped me. This isn't about cheating or getting answers from others. It's about having people to discuss the material with, to keep you accountable and to help you when you're stuck. And if you're struggling, speak up. Don't wait until you're completely lost or failing assignments to ask for help. Most professors are understanding and willing to work with students. Plus, there's tutoring centers, writing centers, study skill workshops, academic coaching. All of these are to keep your students from failing, from faltering, from really being frustrated. No student has to figure it out alone. The myth of college being about complete independence is just that a myth. Successful students are the ones who know how to ask for help and use available resources. And as a parent, I'd advise. Don't be angry about grades. Just encourage your students, make sure they're following what they should in attending class. But it's best to be supportive rather than making your children feel bad when they're already struggling. So let's talk about the social side of college, the parties, the late nights, the freedom to make your own choices without parental oversight, because that's really the stuff I remember from college, not the classes so much, and it's a big part of the college experience. It's also where a lot of students struggle to find balance. The freedom's intoxicating. No curfews, no parents checking. When you where you are, no one telling you that you have to be home by midnight. Every night could be a social opportunity. There are parties, events, gatherings, and always something happening, and every freshman needs to find their balance of having fun while making time for studies. Are there strategies that work? First, I'd say don't say yes to everything. It's hard because everything feels important and fun and you'll have fomo, but learning to be selective about social commitments is a crucial life skill. And believe me, someday you'll be so happy to say no. Block out time again to work so your evenings can be flexible. If you get into the habit of doing schoolwork only at night, you'll always be choosing between social opportunities and academic responsibilities. Know your limits. Social, emotional, and academic. Some people could go out three nights a week and still function well. Others need much more downtime and quiet, so you have to figure it out for yourself and remind your student it's okay to stay in. They're not boring. Randy Social for choosing to have a quiet night in the room sometimes. That's what's needed. And last I'd say remind your student to be smart about alcohol and substances. I'm not gonna pretend that drinking doesn't happen in college. We were all college students once, but they should learn and be aware of their limits. Don't drink to the point where they're putting themselves in unsafe situations and don't surround themselves with people who do. The key is finding a balance that works for your individual goals and values. Some students thrive with a very active social calendar. Others prefer small gatherings or one-on-one interactions. There's no right or wrong way to experience college socially. There's just what works for you while maintaining your health and being academically successful. Before we wrap up. I wanna talk about something that caught me completely off guard. How much I've enjoyed having just Maggie at home this past year. Maggie is 16. And for the first time in her life she got to be an only child. And honestly, it's been pretty amazing to watch her come into her own. She's not competing for airtime at the dinner table anymore. She is the dinner conversation. We're getting to know her friends better because we have more bandwidth to focus on her social world. She's sharing stories and opinions and thoughts that might have gotten lost in the shuffle when we had two teenagers vying for our attention. It's been good for her to have her undivided focus because it's also been interesting for her to observe how we handle things with Ava from a distance. She's watching us navigate the college communication dance, seeing how we respond when Ava calls stressed or needs advice. In a way, she's getting a preview of how we'll handle her transition when the time comes, or would the changes she would wanna make in the way we handle things with her. The house feels different. Quieter cleaner. We're having longer conversations and cooking new foods together. Maggie stepped into being the focus of our parental attention in a way that feels natural and healthy. And as for the sisters, they're still figuring out their relationship. They don't talk and text as much as I expected they would honestly, but they're in a completely different phase of their lives right now. Avis navigating college independence. Maggie's still deep in the high school world of friend drama, school stress, and figuring out her own future. I think their relationship will evolve and probably get closer in the coming years. Right now Ava is chockfull of advice about everything from college prep to boys to how to handle difficult teachers, and Maggie just needs to get to a point where she's open to receiving it. You know how it is with siblings. Sometimes the wisdom has to wait until the younger one is ready to hear it. But here's the kicker. Maggie's heading into her junior year, which means we're about to start the whole college prep process all over again. SAT prep, college visits, application deadlines, and all the anxiety that comes with it. So just as I'm getting comfortable with one kid in college, I'm gearing up to have two. Part of me is dreading this process again, but part of me is also excited. We learned so much from Ava, what worked, what didn't, where we overcomplicated things. So I'm hoping maybe we're a little better at this the second time around. Maybe we'll panic less about the dorm room set up and focus more on the emotional preparation. Or maybe we'll make new mistakes.'cause Maggie is very different from Ava. But hey, at least we'll have material for more podcast episodes. The point is, if you're sending your first kid to college and worrying about how your younger children will handle it, know that there can be real benefits to the shift in family dynamics. You remaining kids might surprise you with how they step up into the space that's created and they may revoke parts of themselves that were hidden or harder to see when they were sharing the spotlight. So as we wrap up today's episode, let me give you the real talk about this whole college transition and why you shouldn't believe everything you see on Instagram about it. Freshman year of college is basically an expensive lesson in adulting. Your kid will learn to do laundry, eventually navigate campus without getting lost mostly, and discover that the dining room hall closes at 8:00 PM right when they're starving repeatedly. They're gonna make mistakes. Lots of them. They're gonna get sick. Too often they're gonna call you crying because they locked themselves out of the room for the third time. They'll accidentally wash their white shirts with their new red sweatshirt and text you photos of their now pink wardrobe. They'll oversleep for an exam or forget an assignment. And you know what? That's what's supposed to happen. For students heading into this transition, you're gonna feel like everyone else has it figured out while you're still Googling. How do I make friends in college? Spoiler alert, they're Googling the same thing. You are gonna miss your dog more than you expected. You're gonna have at least one moment where you question everything and wonder if you're where you should be, and you're gonna discover that adulting really comes with a little too much responsibility. For parents. Here's the truth. Letting go is less like gracefully releasing a butterfly and more like watching someone learn to drive stick shift. Lots of jerky movements, occasional stalling, and this distinct possibility that someone's gonna end up crying in a parking lot. Your kid will come home for winter break having gained some weight, wearing clothes you don't recognize, but somehow they'll also have learned to navigate a campus of 30,000 people, advocated for themselves with professors and figured out how to function without you. So trust the process, trust your kid, and stock up on tissues for moving day. Thanks for listening to, I Get it from my mom. If this episode made you laugh, cry, or feel slightly less panicked about college prep, please share it with other parents who need to hear that. We're all just making it up as we go along. And until next time, remember you've survived this far in parenting. You could definitely handle a college drop off. Thanks.